i had a really hard time the past few days... it's so hard... ytd was bad... relle bad... oh wells. right now i am messed up. all the way inside. i dunno what i want. i mean yea... i waited hell long to see him... and yet when i do i just torture myself... it's so painful.. and this is like a torture, all over again.. when i dun see him.. i miss him. when i do, i feel nth but pain..
so ytd went like tht.
i was suppose to, by instruction from adrian poon... to lead the meeting... so he had to suan me bout his bro.. not a good time.. noe when it is bloody hurtin like hell. i am quite sure he isn't over me yet....i dno what to do... i dun wanna handle this. in fact i hate handling relationships in this form... especially when you alr made it bloody clear.. yea. thts how much it sux.i doubt he noes tht its so painful.. but yea...
so dun with tht. now the next thing.. i walk to church.. cos i am gonna play badminton.. and guess who i should bang into at the traffic junction... yea.. i noe.. he was on the opp side of the road... and it was well weird.. i couldn't even choose to walk away.. when i first so him.. i was like it couldn't be. and when it became clear tht it was... well.. i dunno... it's very drama.. i tot stuff like this onli happen in movies... you noe. bangng into old ex-s in the middle of a road.. especially an ex you happen to be in love with. i dunno if i should laugh or cry... frankly.
and then there is the meeting later tht day... i had a huge fight with my mum.. and all tht stuff... and the i go to the meeting.. meet grouchy pple... which is fine and all..
yea.. but then pple have to start tokin bout ip all over again... thanks alot aaron.. you noe howmuch i hat eit.. well no you dun.. but it hurts like hell everytime someone has to say it... especially from you.. and you ure damn hell noe why..yup... and like the whole njc ip thing starts... not tht i wasn't alr put off by a certain public display of affection.. which i frankly dno what i am. jealous.. angry or.... well yea.. ironic tho.. tht after the whole thing. when i look back at the whole thing, i cannot help but wonder.. what happened if it was'nt me tht he was sellin baloons with... if it was amanada... after all it was suppose to be me and amanda at the beginning... so well.. i just went one big circle.. seriously huge circle... or rather he did... argh.. but still. it is painful..
hell... so i am jealous.. yet again. and i have no right to. and probably the only thing tht is holding me baq from spilling every thing to him, is the fact that, in the words of patrick... i dun wanna be the adrian poon to his bro.. doesnt make sense? well perhaps.. but then again.. this is how it works when the poons are involved.. and i mean it.. altho it's a weird love triangle.. and all.. hia.x.. sad.. rather.. why carn the whole thing just work out in the beginning? but this is HIS will.. and i carn do nething... i just noe tht he has a bigger plan... but for now.. i wish someone could relieve this pain.
belle scribbled at
6:29 PM
